Design Your Own T-Shirt!

We were dining at the home of a friend one evening when the hostess passed a bowl of broccoli to my husband.

"No, thanks," he said. "I've already had some." He quickly added, "I think I was eight or nine at the time."

When the waitress in an American restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the British tourist was a bit dismayed.

"Good heavens," he said. "What IS this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it's been," he replied. "What is it now?"

Free 3d Animated Screensavers and Wallpapers

There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand. Since it was quite hot and he was thirsty, he decided to stop.

Once he got up to the little boy's stand, he noticed a sign that said "All you can drink 10 cents," and a single, very small glass.

Well, he thought that it was a very small glass, but since it was only 10 cents for all he could drink, he decided to get some anyway.

He gave the boy a dime, and shot down the whole glass in one swig. He slapped the glass back onto the table and said, "fill 'er up."

The kid replied, "Sure thing, that'll be 10 cents."

To this the business man said, "But your sign says all you can drink for a dime."

"It is," the little boy replies, "that's all you can drink for a dime."

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

"The special sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you three dollars and seventy-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay extra for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home.

An Affordable diet product that really works

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

Food Joke

A housewife was having several couples over for dinner one night, so she wanted to cook something special. She slaved for hours that afternoon and finally created a masterpiece. Salmon mousse.

Just before her guests arrived, she caught her cat nibbling away at the dish on the dining room table. She had worked so hard that she couldn't throw the mousse away, so she smoothed it over and served it anyway.

Well, the mousse was a hit. Everyone took seconds or thirds. Proudly she stood to bring the empty plate out to the kitchen and looked out the window.

There, next to the house, lay her cat. Dead. She had to confess to her guests that she'd served mousse eaten by the cat and now the cat was dead.

The entire dinner party rushed to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped. The housewife, who hadn't eaten any because she knew her cat had, lay in bed – mourning the passing of her cat and fearing that the same fate could befall her guests.

Then, the phone rang. It was her next door neighbor who said, "I'm sorry about your cat. I should have told you that I ran her over but I was just so ashamed and saw that you had a dinner party in progress... So I just put her on your lawn."