Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor.

"Yes, sir", replied Tom, "I'm sure I am."

"Think carefully now," said Maureen's father warningly. "There are twelve of us."

A woman complained to her best friend, "The kids are driving me nuts! I can't get any rest and I'm pulling my hair out."

"What you need is a playpen so the kids can't get to you and you can get some rest," her friend suggested.

So she bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.

"Superb! I can't believe it." Mary said. "I get in the playpen with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"

One day, while a repairman was working on one of the appliances in our kitchen, we started talking.

He asked where my kids went to school. I told him we home-schooled them.

With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband was the sole breadwinner for our family.

I said, "No, I also work... ...out of our home."

Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in.

"He was born at home," I answered.

The man looked at me, then said, "Wow, you don't get out much, do you?"

The first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas.

Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife walked in, looked at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, and said, "What in the world are you doing?"

He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang.

In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words.

She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end talking to someone else. "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number."

Family Joke

When I arrived for my daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting at the wrong desk."

"I don't understand," I replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?"

The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was tomorrow."

Child Joke

A family had invited some friends to dinner.

At the table, the father turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother told the girl.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did we invite all these people to dinner?"

Family Joke

A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang.

In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words.

She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number."